Dustin Lance Black: ‘I do night baby duty. If Tom Daley misses sleep, it’s dangerous’

The screenwriter and gay rights activist on fatherhood, and what happened when he met his husband

Born in California, Black, 44, was brought up in Texas. He won an Oscar for his screenplay for Milk, the 2008 film about Harvey Milk, the first openly gay elected politician in California. As a founding board member of the American Foundation for Equal Rights, Black helped overturn California’s anti–gay marriage Proposition 8 in 2010. Seven years later, he married the Olympic diver Tom Daley; they have a son and live in London. Black’s memoir Mama’s Boy is out now.

When were you happiest?
The most unabashed joy I’ve ever felt was that first 24 hours of magic after our son was born in California last June.

What is your phone wallpaper?
An old picture of my mother standing. She has braces on her legs and crutches and she’s holding me, which is quite a feat for a mostly paralysed woman [she contracted polio, aged two].

What would your superpower be?
I have incredibly sensitive hearing. I often hear people talking about me. Sometimes it’s amazing and sometimes you hear gossip you’d rather not.

What do you most dislike about your appearance?
My nose. I look at pictures and think, “What is that giant thing growing out of my face?”

If you could bring something extinct back to life, what would you choose?
I lost people I love in the past five years. My mom achieved so much more than the doctors said she ever would. I miss her. My brother Marcus had just begun to live his life when he died of cancer.

What is your guiltiest pleasure?
I wake up at 2am, sneak to the refrigerator and devour cake and ice-cream.

Who would play you in the film of your life?
Ellen DeGeneres. I think we look similar.

What is the worst thing anyone’s said to you?
I turned in a script that meant a lot to me and an executive at Warner Bros said he was disappointed in me. I took a hit of confidence and stepped away from film-making for some time.

What is top of your bucket list?
One of the great things about being married to my husband, who is also an impossible dreamer, is that we just do things.

What was the best kiss of your life?
After three hours straight of talking to this person I’d never met before, he stands up and says, “Clasp your hands above your head – that’s how we enter the water when we dive.” And I do. And he leans in and kisses me. That was my first kiss with my husband, six years ago.

How do you relax?
I am a new dad so I don’t know what that means. I do night duty six days a week and Tom does one day for now – that’s the deal until after the Tokyo Olympics. If he misses sleep, it’s dangerous; if I do, I’m just cloudy-headed.

How often do you have sex?
Let’s just say, we have a healthy connection in every way and as often as possible.

What is the closest you’ve come to death?
On a flight between Beijing and London with Team GB divers. There was a fire on the plane. We landed on a long-abandoned strip in Siberia. Two days later, the same flight attendants told us we had beaten the odds by surviving.

What is the most important lesson life has taught you?
So far, not to be too good and not to be too bad.

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