Naomi Campbell behaves in a totally unpredictable way; doctors informed

Exciting news, everyone! Naomi Campbell has apparently had some plastic surgery to make her look like Janet Jackson in the 80s and is now going out with Madame Tussaud's waxwork of Daniel Craig!

So much can happen in a weekend!

Oh wait, that's not quite the story.

To be honest, LiS isn't sure if this picture is of Naomi Campbell but, heck, if the showbiz section on the Daily Mail's website says so, it must be true.

Anyway, contrary to what may have been insinuated in today's hilarious wheeze in the Mirror of getting Naomi to "co"-"edit" the "gossip" pages, in which she revealed such fascinating nuggets as she's not engaged, she thinks all models are rubbish except herself and maybe Kate Moss and she likes the Beckhams, all is not well in Campbell-land.

Apparently she's refusing to pay some what's-the-fucking-point £200 hotel bill after allegedly burning some holes in the sheets of a hotel in Moscow. Who's a Russian billionaire. You surf that zeitgeist, girlfriend!

Anyway, Moscow's people have spoken to Naomi's people and, really, as with Gabi and Lembit , the whole of Europe is on the brink of mass warfare. Jewelled BlackBerry handsets will soon be flying over the plains of Poland, you mark my words.

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